


The Sounds of Silence

by eternaleponine



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-17
Updated: 2012-01-17
Packaged: 2017-10-29 16:35:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/321909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eternaleponine/pseuds/eternaleponine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John's journal (not blog) entry following the Reichenbach Fall.  Contains spoilers, obviously.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sounds of Silence

It's the silence I can't take.

It's the silence that keeps me away from 221B Baker Street. He rarely slept and was not good at keeping still. It drove me spare, sometimes, the constant shuffle and hum of his existence, but now that it's gone, I've come to realize how much of the background noise of my own life it had become.

Without it, without _him_ , it's too quiet.

And I can't deal with the comfort that Mrs. Hudson would try to offer me, and I don't think I can manage to be of any comfort to her either. So it's best if I just stay away for now.

My therapist says that I should go back to writing in my blog, but I can't. I won't. The last thing I wrote will remain the last thing it says ~~until~~ ~~unless~~ until there is something more to be said about our adventures together. _Together_.

The blog was never about me, anyway, was it? Not really. It was about him. It was about us. He was my best friend and he gave me back my life and now I'm not quite sure how to go on living it in his absence. In the silence left behind.

I tried listening to music, but anything with words just grates on my nerves, and anything without is likely to feature violins, and that's hardly helpful for trying to fill in the gap, is it? I'd lost count quickly of nights where I fell asleep to the sound of him playing, and though he likely never knew it, whatever he was playing at the moment was the best lullaby I could imagine.

I don't know when or if I'll go back to Baker Street. It's paid for – I can only assume by Mycroft in his guilt – and I could go back at any time. But it's not the same without him and I'm not sure I can bear it, now or ever again.

I need to get through the grief, my therapist says. In order to be whole again, I need to work my way through it. But I can't. I won't. I don't want to. Let me remain in denial. I will not believe what everyone says, what even he said in the end. No one will ever convince me that the man I knew was a lie.

I was loyal to him from the start, and I will remain so until the end. He was all I had in the beginning, and if I must be the last one who stays true to him, so be it.

I'll be here, Sherlock, waiting for my miracle.


End file.
